Immortality

Immortality - hmmm. That's probably not spelt right, but hey - I've a lifetime to perfect it.
I touched on the subject of my immortal soul in my last post. So let's examine this shall we. What makes me think I am immortal?
Well it's like this. I cannot remember a time when I didn't exist, therefore logically I have always existed. Other, older people (and we know what their memories are like don't we?) say they CAN remember a time when I didn't exist. They allege that they saw me born, or growing up or whatever. But THEY are mere mortals, so can we trust them? For all I know I imagined them all.
Of course, the true test of immortality is can you be killed? Well, this is possibly tempting fate, but I am begginning to have my doubts. A brief catalouge of my near death expereiencesl;
1971 - fall from a second storey window - outcome - a chipped tooth.
1972 - electrocuted whilst plugging in a toy train set. No effect.
1973 - electrocuted whilst plugging in a toy train set. No effect. Although by now I was going off the train set.
1980 - cycle accident into parked car whilst reading newspaper whilst cycling- no injury. Sunday supplement torn.
1982 - head on cycle accident. No injury.
1986 - throttle jams wide open on motorcycle - no injury. Bike a write off.
1987 - narrow miss with coach in single track Scottish Mountain road - I swear my two nearside wheels were over fresh air as we went around the bend to miss the coach coming the other way in the dark.
1989 - car into ditch - no injury - reversed out, and completed journey!
1992 - head on collision with stolen car - slight disorientation, mild concussion.
1993 - Minor smoke inhalation in fire rescue. 2 others died, I survived.
1994 - electrocuted again whilst decorating friends flat. Of course I'm getting used to it by now.
1995 - Collision with bus which pulls out at junction into path of my speeding patrol car. No injury.
1995 - shot in knee. That hurt a bit.
1997 - Got married (okay that doesn't really count, but it hurt me terribly financially and has done ever since)
2002 - Broken ribs, twice, in fights with violent people.
2005- fell down cliff whilst on active coastguard rescue duty. Mild bruising to both thighs.
2009 - Almost drowned in sink hole in Dent Dale Valley.

This is just a breif sunnary of the things I can remember, I'm sure there are many more. Like the time I avoided hypothermia whilst sleeping drunk in a hedge oustide a mates house.

I now feel it is quite reasonable to wallpaper around a socket without necessarily removing the fuse from the system or switching off the supply. I know a man who changes household radiators without draining the heating system down first, but that's just silly - you're going to get wet, but not dead.

Any how the uopshot is, I am (possibly) immortal (so far) and unless fate happens to be watching and decides to make an example of me I shall remain immortal until the day I die.

3 Peaks Trip

Left, me at the Top of Pen-Y-Ghent, and right, "the evil brooding bastard"

Okay, I'll conced it wa the 2 peaks. I did Pen-Y-Ghent, or as a friend would have it, "that evil brooding bastard." And I did Whernside. I just didn't get round to Ingleborough on account of really bad blisters. That makes me sound rather like a wimp doesn't it? I mean, Douglas Bader never complained of blisters did he? Well he wouldn't.

To be fair, on arrival at Ingleton, no sooner had I set up the caravan than I was off on the Ingleton Falls trail, a 6 1/2 mile stroll, which started the blebs on my feet. On the way back to the pitch I passed by three pubs and was forced to have a pint in each one. Then It was back to the caravan for an evening meal of chicken ding (chicken shoved in the microwave until it goes "ding") and a couple of episodes of Life on Mars with the strat of a wottle of Bhiskey.

Next day was Pen-Y-Ghent and Whernside, and I would have gone on to complete Ingleborough, honestly, had it not been for the terrible blistering from which I am only now starting to recover.

Pen-Y-Ghent of course has two ways up. The shorter and steeper way which involves a longish walk gradually sloping uphill then a bugger of a climb to reach the top - or the other way which is a long and steep ascent, where the summit is constantly moving around and getting further away. I chose the latter, then came down the steep way. next time I might go in reverse.

I blame my boots for the blisters. When I was a kid there was a magazine called Tiger, unless memory fails. One of the comic strips in this was called "Billy's Boots" the storyline of which was that this kid called Billy had and old pair of football boots which had previously belonged to a famous footballer and which gave him magical footballing skills. My walking boots are pretty much the same. The are now about 21 years old, possibly much older, i think I bought them when I was about 20 but I might have been 18. They are heavy, leather and have seen many miles, the soles are now wearing quite thin. My work colleagues, decked out in modern Teflon and Gortex feather weight boots refer to them as antiques, and they are possibly right. They are certainly now past their best (the boots that is, not my work colleagues) hecne the blisters I'm guessing. But if I have to break in a new pair that means more blisters, am I right?

Anyway Thursday dawned bright and sunny and it seemed a shame to waste the day, but I was unable to walk without a fair degree of discomfort. Fortunately, all was not lost; I had taken along my trusty mountain bike. I decided a ride through to Dent was in order, a 20 mile round trip. For September it was quite decidely hot and sunny, and it wasn't long before I had stripped to just a pair of shorts, which as it turned out was a fortunate decision. As I stopped for lunch it seemed like a good idea to dip my feet in the stream passing through the Dent Valley (The River Dent? - I don't know?) How refreshing! I stowed by bottles of fresh orange juice in there too and chilled them as I ate my lunch.

Now for those who don't know it, the road through to Dent is a single track unclassified road, and probably sees maybe five cars a day travel down it, so it's ideal for cycling although hilly, it is remote in the extreme. This may have a bearing on the life changing situation I found myself in - had things gone differently it could have been many days before my bike and body were found! Having finished lunch and still hot and sweaty I decided to paddle a little in the stream. being no fool, and a weak swimmer at best I wanted to remain well within my depths, and thought it safe as I could see the bottom. Having wandered up the stream at knee depth I was about to turn aroudn when suddenly and without any wanring the bottom disappered! I reckon I went down about 15 feet in a "sink hole" and disorientated, searching for daylight and which was was up, under water for maybe 35 seconds before gasping for breath, I surfaced again. My life flashed beofre my eyes I can say! Well I think it was my life, it had been edited quite badly, and a lot of the more boring stuff had been cut, but I recognised a lot of it.

I had considered crossing this same stream/river with my bike to get to a wooded area which looked pleasantly shaded from the hot sun - had I done so I would have had my bike and rucksack to fight with as I went under. I think back now and wonder , if I had hit my head, or caught my foot in a rock or something, would I now be writing my orbituary (metaphorically speaking of course) Given the remoteness of the location, no one would have seen me go under, and no one knew I was there, so no one would have rescued me or even come loooking for me for many days. It makes you think. I could have drowned or worse.

It also makes me unafraid of the future, not fearless as such, but certainly thankful to be still here and ready to make the best of the extra time I have now. On the other hand it confirms my suspicion that I am (probably) immortal.

Dent Railway station, is allegedly the highest mainline railay station in England. So a visit was in order. And there is was, certianly bloody high if the hills I had to go up where any measure.

Thursday night saw much consumption from the wottle of bhiskey and more episodes of Life on Mars!

All in all a memorable excursion, and one which has a part three to come, as Ingleborough has yet to be tackled. October half term looks a likely time to try again - with new boots!

Update. I haven't posted anything for months

Mervin passed his MOT so will be staying on the fleet for a while longer yet. I have yet top get round to painting his left side, but might get it done in the next two weeks while I'm on leave.
On the other hand I might not as I have the hallway to redecorate, and I set off on Tuesday to climb the Three Yorksihire Peaks. I'm taking the Caravan for four days, so I should get in the walking, some cycling and maybe a little beer drinking!
I have just got back from 3 days with the family in the Caravan in three peaks country, staying at Bentham, not far of Settle and a stones through from Inglebourough. The weather was not too good. It rained once, starting on the Wednesday we arrived and continuing until Saturday when we left. We did get to visit White Scar Caves though, a fasciniating visit under Ingleborough, and a prelude to climbing it.
The site we stayed on was rather soggy, and the facilities basic Life on Mars era.Cheap though at a tenspot per night. One cheeky camper arrived at about 10p.m. then buggered off next morning about 5.30, managing to avoid payment altogether. I doubt he got his moneys worth though, as the view was great when the rain stopped and it was clear enough to see the hills. It was Saturday mornign before I realised they had wind turbines on top - it was too murky to see them before then.

The big family holiday was to Hannover, Germany, by coach, with the inlaws. Not as bad as it sounds. The coach had slightly less leg room than was comfrotable, but it wasn't quite cattle class, and the in laws are great, i get along with them better than i do my own folks, probably because they are normal people, whilst my parents are almost certainly aliens. Anyhow, I was ashamed of my pidgin German that I learnt at school, particularly as all the German folk spoke perfect English, so it has inspired me to learn German properly. I am on lesson 6 as I type, and listening to the Ipod in my sleep to learn subliminally. I don't know if that sort of thing works but it's worth a try.

Decorating the hall will be a major undertaking. I don't do things by half, so it will involve plumbing in a new radiator, replastering the top landing by the bathroom door, which was moved when I refitted the bathroom (see an earlier post) replacing all the skirting and architraves, a new laminate floor and a new storage solution for the understairs area.... maybe fantastic sliding doors to hide all the clutter. And a new doorbell (how that got on the list is beyond me, but 'er indoors has added it to my list) Lots of builders trade magnolia will be used, but the lower hallway will be papered - it has been chosen and bought already. Oh yeah, and the single electric socket will be replaced with a double. And the light probably changed. With extra lights fitted under the stairs in the new cupboard. Possibly those battery LED ones.

After that it will be the front room, a similar major undertaking, which will involve further electrical work with additional sockets - you can never have enough it seems, a new fireplace and gas fire and a full redecoration job. And a new sofa and furniture. And then the dining room needs new table and chairs. Problem is, with all this time off work I'm not earningn the overtime to pay for it all.

Oh well. To bed. Tommorow is another day. Last day with the kids before they go back to school, and I go off to Horton in Ribblesdale to climb mountains. Maybe we will follow the tradition we started last year and go for one last bike ride to close the summer. Whats's the weather going to do I wonder? Rain seems likely!