How to replace the nearside headlamp bulb on a 2006 model Vauxhall Vectra.

So many enjoyed my entry on how to replace the offside headlamp bulb on a 2006 model Vauxhall Vectra, that I thought I might write up the other side, having just done that job too. So here goes.
How to replace the nearside headlamp bulb on a 2006 model Vauxhall Vectra.
1. Weigh up the work involved in removing the battery and fusebox that appear to be in the way. Note the water bottle filler neck also positioned right behind the headlamp. 
2. Having learned your mistake from doing the offside headlamp, do not fall for it and remove the cover for the easily accessible main beam lamp, instead attempt to reach the cover for the very inaccessibly dipped beam lamp. Graze the back of your hand on the sharp edges of the moulding of the washer bottle filler neck. Curse loudly.
3. Take a small child, preferably your own and attempt to explain what is required. After fifteen minutes and several attempts, accept that whilst their hand is small enough, they do not have the wit or the strength in their fingers to remove the cover, which was put on with superglue, by an ape, at the factory.
4. Measure your own hand, and the space available, which will be smaller. Work out how much more space would be available if you could just get the washer bottle filler neck out of the way, which is almost, but just not quite enough.
5. Remove the plastic clips that hold the washer bottle filler neck to the front slam panel by snapping them gently. Curse in Latin whilst doing this.
6. Get your hand to breathe in and hold its breath whilst you remove the cover from the back of the headlamp.
7. Working blind again, pull off the electrical connector (the bulb will come with it) but unlike the offside headlamp there will be no mysterious metallic “ping” noise and nothing will fall into the engine bay. This is normal.
8. Replace the bulb noting the specially shaped backplate which will only allow the bulb to fit in one way etc etc blah blah see instructions for offside headlamp, steps 7 to 11.
9. Drop the cover for the headlamp into the most inaccessible part of the engine bay ensuring that it either snags on something halfway down just beyond reach, or falls all the way through to the undertray which is held on by about a million screws all of which you will have to remove to get the tray off to retrieve the headlamp cover.
10. Having replaced the headlamp cover and the engine undertray replace the washer bottle filler neck attaching it to the front slam panel with a zip tie.
Job done. Estimated time 10 minutes. Actual time 1 hour, two cups of coffee.
Difficulty rating. ****king annoying.

How to replace the offside headlamp bulb on a 2006 model Vauxhall Vectra.

How to replace the offside headlamp bulb on a 2006 model Vauxhall Vectra.
Since the Haynes manual doesn’t cover this seemingly simple task, here is a step by step guide for those undertaking this job.
1. Disconnect the battery using a 10mm spanner for the terminals. Use a short spanner which will not accidentally arc against the wing, causing a spark.
2. Using a blunt screwdriver, carefully break the fiddly little clip that holds the connector to the Mass Airflow Sensor on the air filter box. Curse loudly. Swing the cable away to one side.
3. Using a 7mm spanner which you don’t have, or a pair of pliers, gently round the nuts on the jubilee clips that hold the pipework to the mass airflow sensor, cursing as you do this. Constantly push aside the wiring that keeps falling back into the way.
4. Having removed the airflow sensor and related piping attempt to pull the air filter box of the rubber retaining bungs and lift it out of the engine bay. Graze the back of you right hand and tear a fingernail on the left – any will do, as you will be ripping them all off eventually.
5. Grow the fingers on one of your hands by an extra inch, then reach behind the headlamp in the space you have now created and twist the wrist to an unnatural angle to remove the cover from the back of what turns out to be the main beam headlamp. Reverse the process to replace this, then repeat on the even more inaccessible dipped beam headlamp cover.
6. Massage life back into your fingers and suck the blood from any deep cuts. Now using a torch in one hand, use the other two hands to gently pull the connector from the back of the bulb. Curse as the bulb comes out with it, something goes “ping” and an unknown but mercifully superfluous spring metal wire part flies off into the depth of the engine bay.
7. Spend five minutes with the torch familiarising yourself with exactly what it was holding the bulb in, and work out the bulb orientation – it will only fit in one particular way due to the shape of the base plate. This position is hidden by the shadow of your hand in the torchlight whatever position you hold the torch in, so you will have to work blind. Once you have found the position, apply firm pressure to push the bulb in place on the spring clips.
8. Grope around the bottom of the engine bay, in the inaccessible gaps and retrieve the bulb and try again.
9. And again.
10. With the bulb now in position replace the wiring connector (a push fit) taking care not to unseat the bulb. Reseat the bulb.
11. Test the bulb works. Puzzle at why it doesn't until you recall that you disconnected the battery at step 1. Reconnect the battery and test the bulb again. Do not miss this step at all costs, or you will be starting again from the top, when you get to the last step.
12. Replace the headlamp dust cover, using a small childs hand on an adult arm.
13. Attempt to refit the air filter box. Marvel at how something so large could have come out of such a small space. Graze knuckles, preferably your own, but use a bystanders if available, curse loudly without hesitation, repetition or deviation as you wrestle with the air box until it finally surrenders and goes back in place.
14. In a loud voice shout “For crying out loud, you bastard” as you realise the wiring for the mass airflow sensor is now trapped beneath the air filter box. Remove the airfilter box and repeat step 13 as many times as it takes, before eventually using gaffer tape to fix the wiring out of the way so it can’t fall again.
15. Replace the mass airflow sensor and associated pipework. Drip blood gently onto the rounded nuts securing the ducting to make them more difficult to turn with the pliers you have now lost.
16. Refit the electrical connector on the mass air flow sensor, replacing the clip you broke earlier with a new one made out of a paper clip, or use duct tape to hold it in place.
17. Attempt to replace the battery connections and realise you already did that at 11 above and have been working on live electrics since.

Job complete. Estimated time 10 minutes. Actual time 35 minutes. Why not change your airfilter at the same time and get two jobs doe in one?