I accept that complicated electronic gadgets need an instruction book, so that women can use them. Men instinctlively know how to operate the basic features on such things and don't read the manual thus missing out on many of the features the gadget might have and which they paid over the odds for rather than buying the cheaper model whcih does all the things they demand of it. Children of course can do everything without the manual.
I am prepared to accept that some things, like complicated flat pack furniture, need an asembly manual. Written in Swedish usually, but they do need one. But not a table. I have just bought a new dining suite, which came with assembly instructions for the table. It is essentially a flat bit of quite wide wood to which four legs are screwed. How hard can that be? The legs are identical, there are four of them, each held by two screws (well bolts technically) with a flat washer and a spring washer for each. Who could possibly get that wrong? Yet it comes with a four page instruction manual. And this includes the phrase "Please now turn the table 180 degrees and place on all four legs in your desired location." No shit! And I was going to leave it upside down in the wrong place. If this dining set was intended for some third world country that had never seen a chair or table before I could understand it. But it's written in English, of sorts, and looks as though it was intended for the developed world.
If that wasn't bad enough the chairs also came with a four page manual a page of which is reproduced here, for entertainment value. I refer to picture b: which gives a pictoral demonstration of how to sit on a chair, just in case you are from a culture which has not yet had the luxury of something to sit on. I also like the instruction at d: "Highly recommend to re-tighten all the bolts again after using the chair for seven days." Now this is ambiguous. Does that mean seven days continuous use? Do I have to sleep on the chair? I would consider myself a light user of the dining room furniture, I often skip breakfast and have TV lunches, and if I'm on night shift I might not eat a meal at home at all. So, can I leave it 14 days or longer before I have to tighten the bolts? And would a more regular user have to tighten them sooner. It also occurs to me that as a family of four we are at a disadvantage with six chairs to bed in. Two of them will not be used in the first seven days unless we rotate the chairs around the table. So the 7 days could be as long as a month. Can I not just check and tighten them at my own discretion?
The final words of the instruction booklet are perhaps the most amusing. "If you need help or have damaged or missing parts call the customer helpline....."Well after being treat like a simpleton, yes, mny pride and sense of well being are damaged, my dignity is missing and I need help because my brain has tried to escape through my ear canal as a result of my intelligence being insulted.
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