Boys and their toys

One day I will have to get a proper job. I am resigned to this. After all, I am rapidly approaching compulsory retirement age for police officers, and I can't thin of any other job that will be as much fun. Because being a copper isn;t a job at all. It's a continuation of the game of cops and robbers I used to play as a kid. It's a real life X box and Ninetendo. We get to carry guns and drive fast cars. We are James Bond, The A Team and The Saint all rolled into one. It's one rollercoaster ride of fun fun fun. Well, okay it's not all fun, there is death and danger to deal with, but it's not real. Well, actually yes it is real, but as a defence mechanism to cope with that you pretend it's not.
But just occasionally something comes along that helps you suspend reality and reinforce that James Bond feeling. This happened today when a new Skoda Octavia VRS arrived at the department. Forget the jokes about Skodas, they are now seriously cool cars, and the VRS is a rocket propelled roller skate with the grip of a go kart and handling liek a thing that handles really really well. (I'll come back and edit that bit when I can think of what it is that it handles like, but for now just take it as read that it is bloody good) now our old Skoda has all the buttons for the blue lights and sirens hidden in the flap that would normally conceal the ash tray just ahead of the gear stick in the centre console. How cool is that? Very James Bond Thank Q.
Well not as cool as the new one, which has them all in the centre roof console, all little illuminated square push buttons and toggle switches, so it's like an aircraft. Now as a basic flat foot, a kid from a council house estate with an O level in Maths and another in Art I am ideally qualified to do Painting by numbers, but could never aspire to flying anything other than a paper dart. So this opens up a whole new world of play for me. The M62 becomes a runway, and with the phonetic alphabet already in use I only have to adopt my best Roger moore voice and I'm there in my private jet with pussy galore. All i need now are the revolving number plates and some machine guns.