Why Cops eat Donuts

Why do cops eat donuts? Well truth is they don't, at least not as much as they are portrayed to do by the media. I can count on one hand the number of donuts I've eaten this year, and it's six.
Cops do tend to eat sugary foods and fast food though, and it's not purely down to the shift work and inability to eat regular meals, although that does play a part. What it comes down to is genetics. It's in our DNA. How can this be I hear you ask? You aren't born as a cop. And that is mostly true too. But our DNA and genetic make up means we are all designed to eat at regular intervals, but any shiftworker in the emergency services will tell you that is impossible. Except for firemen, who rarely have their meals, or sleep disturbed.
It is to do with STRESS and how our bodies react to it. In ascending order here are the top ten most stressful jobs in the UK.
10. Schoolteacher. (except for during the thirteen weeks of holiday they get - they must be pretty unstressed, particularly after that six week summer break)
9. Social Worker (Not sure how they get stressed with all the camomile tea and Japanese Peace Lilies around the office)
8. Newspaper Reporter (You're kidding right? I suppose if your the war correspondent in Afghanistan it might get a bit hairy)
7. Emergency Dispatcher (Passing the buck to other people to deal with the real problem is stressful? Really?)
6. Nurse (I've been in A&E often enough to know this is true, but it is't quite like they show on "Casualty" - I've never heard them shout CRASH yet)
5. Police Officer (Eating doughnuts can be stressful - see below)
4. Pilot (I am amazed at this, because it is basically driving in 3D, and I find driving quite relaxing. Plus I once spoke with a pilot, who told me modern planes could take off, fly and land themselves without him being in the cockpit, and he was only really there as public reassurance. I suppose there is always the worry of a Taliban on board, but it is quite rare really. And if your a light aircraft pilot that must be quite stressful, you have one engine, and if that goes out.......)
3. Firefighter (How is sitting around the station polishing your fire engine and driving round town on a Friday evening flexing your muscles for the girls and pretending to check hydrants stressful? Why is essential hydrant maintenance always scheduled for a Friday night anyway? The average fire fighter goes to around 3 real fires a year, and maybe ten or twelve traffic incidents were he will usually cut the battery cables and hose away evidence causing stress to number 5 in the list)
2. Surgeon (It must be very stressful taking a person apart, then putting them back together again and hoping they still work afterwards. I did this once with a Mitsubishi engine and it was never the same afterwards - and I had bits left over, so all credit to Britain's second most stressful occupation. They must be on a knife edge the whole time waiting for their bleepers to go off and the nurses to shout CRASH - which they never do, see above)
1. Military personnel. (I have the utmost respect and admiration for our armed forces, who are understrength overworked and under equipped. Although you have to remember they all volunteered knowing there was a good chance they would be sent into combat, unlike their fathers who joined in the cold war when there was little chance of anything kicking off anywhere and were taken by surprise when the Falklands War broke out. That must have been most stressful, when you were enjoying a career consisting of simply driving a Land Rover around Salisbury Plain and then suddenly were sent out there to be shot at.)
So being a cop is the 5th most stressful job in the country. And even more so in the city I would hazard. When subject to mental or physical stress in a potentially life threatening situation the human body responds by producing adrenalin, to allow "fight or flight" responses. This is where we either deal with the issue by punching it, wrestling it, killing it, chasing after it or running away from it. In the days of the cave man the problem causing the stress was usually a predator, and you either killed it then ate it, or you ran away from it or got eaten. The problem for cops is they are not allowed to run away from whatever is causing the stress, and in most cases are discouraged from eating it either. This means that a chemical hormone called Cortisol produced at the same time as the adrenalin flooded their body to give them the energy to fight or flight builds up in their system. This causes sugar imbalance, leading to potential diabetes. Cops are already at high risk of diabetes due to the shift work, poor sleeping patterns and irregular or skipped meals. Once the sugar balance is disturbed the cops get sugar cravings, both mental and physical. If they have to suddenly expend energy and rapidly deplete their energy reserves the Cortisol causes a sugar crash, hence the desire for a nice sugary donut and a mug of hot sweet brown. Because they have missed a meal the hormone adiponectin is low. Adiponectin is what helps burn fat rather than store it. Missing meals the body believes it will starve, so it stores the energy from the donut as fat, rather than burn it as fuel.
Whoa! This can't be right I hear you say. Marathon runners expend masses of energy but don;t eat donuts or get fat. And you'd be right. But runners have the opportunity, like all athletes, to warm up prior to their exercise. They don't get that flood or Cortisol, and they don't have the adiponectin deficiency because they had a stack of high energy slow release oatmeal or whatever for breakfast.
Of course once in the cycle, the cop is likely to put on more weight, no matter how much he exercises, thus becoming borderline diabetic with erratic blood sugar levels and the cycle continues, with more donuts. The only way to end it is to retire, and do something less stressful. I have checked the list and quite fancy emergency dispatcher.
There are of course two other reasons cops eat donuts. Because the can, and because they like 'em.