Christmas shopping without the zombies

I have spoken before, last year to be precise, about the phenomenon known as the Christmas Shopping Zombie, so I won't go into it again in detail. Read last years post if you want to remind yourself. Needless to say I was keen to avoid them this year.
The nearest large town to my home is Hull, which has been designated the UK city of Culture 2017. I have spoken on this subject too, so will say no more, other than that Hull will need to improve an awful to in less than 3 years if it is not to disappoint. Don't get me wrong, it is, or rather could be, a great city. It is let down by a minority of the people that live there, a road infrastructure that doesn't work, (rather like the minority of people) and a depressing backdrop of buildings which have never been repaired after the Luftwaffe used the city as a dump for all the unused munitions they had left over from anywhere else they failed to bomb. This means that a shopping trip into the city is not a prospect I look forward to.
Firstly there is the hassle of getting there. Whilst there is a bus, carrying many bags of shopping on it isn't really feasible, so it's the car then. Which means a slow arduous trek of 10 miles that should take 10 minutes but takes nearer 30.
Then you have to pay £7 to park near a derelict church with the very real prospect that your stereo and wheels may be missing when you come back.
Next you have to walk past the tracksuit clad chain smoking unwashed hanging around outside the shops selling stolen chocolate bars or begging for cash.
Then the shops themselves are full of the aforementioned zombies. And nothing worth buying. So what to do?
The wife suggests Meadowhall, but this simply means driving a lot further for pretty much the same shops, more expensive parking and similar zombies but with different accents.
York was tempting, because it has historic little gift shops and lots of street entertainment - jugglers, musicians, magicians, mimes and people who stand still for a living. And, last time I was there, Darth Vader and C3P0. But York is also full of students who irritate me by speaking in tongues. If they are bright enough to be studying nuclear physics or whatever York University teaches, why can't they speak English?
I might end up stuck in Hull after all. But then inspiration struck. It meant driving 60 miles each way, but I made a day out of it all and heading for a different North East Coastal town. I will keep the identity of this town secret, because when it comes to Christmas shopping it is a little gem. Nestling on the clifftops it has a variety of shops selling all sorts of trinkets and gee-gaws, just the sort of tat that makes ideal Christmas presents. And in a shock move that took me entirely by surprise North Yorkshire Council has suspended all parking charges until 1st March. Free Parking. Yes, Free! Hull could learn something from this.
I parked near a derelict church, but had no fears of my car being attacked, because the church in question had been vandalised by someone called Henry almost 500 years ago, so there was little chance of him coming back. Apart from this, there were no tracksuited unemployed idle youth to be seen, probably because the car park was at the top of a very steep hill and they were too lazy to walk. But that was not the case, even when I got down to the shops there were no layabouts to be seen. The shops were devoid of zombies, indeed devoid of almost any customers at all, meaning that I could browse at my ease, and had the full attention of the friendly, welcoming and interested sales assistants. The whole experience was a delight. Topped off with Fish and Chips from an award winning outlet, instead of Bob Carvers greasy spoon in Hull, I then enjoyed a relaxing drive over the moors and enjoyed the beautiful scenery and sunset.
A grand day out, Grommit, and not a zombie in sight.