Autobiographies. Obituaries and Assasinations

When should one write an autobiography? Timing it would seem is crucial. We see many young "famous"people writing, or more often having their autobiography "ghost written*" for them when they have barely commenced their careers, yet other long established names shun the idea of an autobiography because they still have lots to do, which would then end up with a second autobiography having to be written, which is a contradiction in itself, unless of course they are re-incarnated. A Biography is a life story. So you can't really have two of them. Unless like me you are burning the candle at both ends, but even that causes problems as one has to be written backwards.
*on the subject of "ghost written autobiographies - what is the point? If you get someone else to write it for you, it's not an autobiography at all, it's a biography. You have to write it yourself see, or it doesn't work. The problem there is that anyone interesting enough to have an autobiography worth reading is probably too busy to write one, hence the ghost writing thing going on. But anyone who employs a ghost writer to write for them, then pretends it was their own work is probably just a conceited git anyway. If it's that important, someone will write the biography after you've died. You won''t get to read it yourself, that's the downside. Because if they finish it before you're dead, they haven't finished it. So in short you should never read your own biography, unless you are re-incarnated, then you should never read part two. It is of course technically impossible to write you own autobiography, because even if you left a blank for the date of your death, you'd probably forget to fill it in when the big day finally came, as you'd be a bit busy what with the dying, being murdered, or assassinated to get on with. Unless you were a clairvoyant, but that's probably cheating anyway.
So, on to the next point of who should write, (or have written, or ghost written) a biography anyway? Obviously it should be famous people, people who we will be interested in reading about. Famous people of note, that is, people who achieved something, people who invented something and left a mark on the world. Elvis, Einstein, Beethoven those sort of people. Not bloody Jade Goody for example, who became famous only because she could fit her fist in her own mouth, didn't know what currency they used in Norfolk (pigs, obviously) and looked like a cross between Kermit, Zippy and the Ravenous Bug Blatter Beast of Traal.
Normal people shouldn't bother and by normal people I mean anyone who isn't already noted in their particular field or famous enough already that everyone knows about their life already. The problem there of course is that some people don't achieve recognition until well after their deaths. Take Shakespeare for example. In his day he was little more than a jobbing writer, his modern day equivalent would be the guys who write Eastenders. Okay his medium was different as TV hadn't been invented, but he merely wrote about events of the time in the language of the day, flowered up a bit to impress the posh nobs who paid to watch it. Born a few hundred years later his poetic soliloquy's would have been reduced to Grant and Phil Mitchell's lines and "sort it aught!" Beethoven, another unsung hero in his lifetime, is more famous for not finishing a song than anything else. His unfinished Symphony is the one everybody remembers. Well, I have a few unfinished DIY projects, but it's hardly likely to make me of interest if I write an autobiog is it?
No the way for common folk to achieve the status where a biography (not an autobiography) should be written about them is to keep a diary, as did Samuel Pepe's and Anne Frank. Or in these modern times, perhaps an obscure blog on the interweb. It will after your death, sometimes years after and that's fitting and correct. No-one should have a biography whilst they are still living. That's like buying your own tombstone.
Yes it's all about timing. Write your biography too soon, and you may well seal the end of your own career. Write it too early and you end up with the part two scenario all over again. No one is going to be too happy with a biography entitled "oh and I forgot to mention...."
But in the case of Jade Goody she had the foresight to write her biography before her premature death, even if she hadn't actually achieved anything much in the first place.
No, knowing if and when to write a biography is a tricky business.
It's rather like the distinction between being murdered and being assassinated. Anyone can be murdered of course, but you have to be a head of state, a politician or someone the world deems particularly important to qualify to be assassinated. Even John Lenon was only murdered and he was probably the third most important Beatle the planet has ever see, and not the fourth, as most people sincerely believed. Dianna Princess of Wales didn't even qualify for a murder, although of assassination status, she was simply killed, although if you believe the conspiracy theorists she was assassinated. Both were of Biography material, and would have doubtless have had additional chapters to add, given the chance.
Even in death it is complicated. The famous will generally get an obituary, whilst the mere mortals amongst us have to satisfy ourselves with a "death announcement" in the local rag.
So, in summary, if you want an autobiography you are a pompous overstuffed conceited git. If you want a biography you need to be assassinated and get an obituary. Otherwise, write a blog.