Is this your house, sir?

As a Traffic Officer I frequently have to ask that most stupid of all questions, "Are you the driver of this vehicle?" even though it's bleedin' obvious. This does however have a legal point, before any prosecution can be considered we need to establish who is the owner and who is the driver of said vehicle - often it is the same person.
What knocked me sideways this weekend was when I answered the door to a cold calling double glazing salesman only to be asked "Is this your house sir?" I had to stop and think about it. Was it my house? Was there a possibility I was in someone else's home? Given I was in my slippers and watching TV when he knocked I considered there was a good chance I was at home. I suppose I could have popped round to a neighbours and watched their TV, but I've never done so before, so I had to concede it was my home. What he actually asked was "Is this your beautiful home?"
Perhaps that it what threw me. Beauty is of course in the eye of the beerholder, but even after many pints and squinting through a lead shield you would not call my house beautiful. Aesthetically adequate perhaps, but not beautiful. Large, spacious, commodious even, but not beautiful.
This creeping Americanism has followed the ambulance chasing culture of injury compensation and law suits to the point where it is no longer possible simple to bid someone good morning and then get down to the business of selling whatever product you are selling. No it is now industry practice to engage in a pointless preamble, enquiring about your health wealth and social well being first. Not that they are interested in any of those matters. They don't even have a response ready, they have an automatic script to follow, and telephone sales people are the worse. The Conversation can go something like:
Q: Am I addressing the householder?
R: No I'm burgling the place.
Q: Good, good, and how are you today?
R: Well I just lacerated my jugular climbing through the broken window, but mustn't grumble (at this point you may feel obliged to return the enquiry and ask about their health - don't do it, it will only encourage them further)
Q: Excellent, is it convenient to talk right now?
R: Not really the police are on their way and I'm bleeding to death.
Q: Ha Ha, wonderful, well I won;t take up too much of your time.....

And so it goes on. Even though this DG salesman was on my doorstep, knocking on my perfectly good door and standing next to my perfectly good double glazed window, he still tried to sell me windows. When I pointed these out he didn't miss a beat and moved onto soffits and fascias, despite these being in perfectly good condition. When I refused these he began the conservatory spiel. I could have a conservatory in time for the summer and pay nothing until next year when I could pay on easy credit terms over as long as I liked....... Well, I might at some point before my retirement consider a conservatory, but to quote my Granddad, pay as you go and if you can;t pay don't go. So I will buy now pay now with one easy installment, in cash. And I believe that most reputable double glazing companies will have a showroom, advertise in Yellow Pages, and ideally be recommended by someone with a positive experience to relate about their service and product. So fortunately, I will not have to wait months and months for a man to come cold calling to give him my business.

How to Kill a cold caller dead in the water. - if it's not on their script they can't react properly.

Is this your house? - No it belongs to Abbey National, but it'll be mine in 30 years when I've paid for it. Would you like to call back?

Is this your house? - No I've borrowed it from a friend, I have to take it back later.

How are you today? - Aha, you're a Doctor? No, what makes you think that? Well my state of Health is something I only discuss with my doctor.

So, you came around on the random off chance I might like to buy some windows. Well why don't you give me your address? I'm a used car salesman - maybe I can pop round yours regularly and see how you like it.

Philosophically speaking, if a tree falls down and there's no-one there to hear it does it make a noise? More to the point, if I throw you through your own sample pane, and there's no-on there to see it will it make a noise?

Any other suggestions how to keep these people away?