The British Class System

We live in a democratic system so of course there is inequality. Some folk are better off than others.


At the top you have the people who used to be called the Gentry, who are very rich, very mad or very both. They have had wealth for years, inheriting it, and hiding it offshore to avoid paying taxes.

Beneath them you have the working class, the people who do all the work and earn all the money fopr other people, and a little for themselves. And then you have the privildeged class, the people who don’t work but are supported by the others. These include the unemployable, the sick, lame, lazy, fat, any mentally defective folk who are clearly not Gentry, drug takers, alcoholics and those lacking social skills or morals.

The priveledged class get to live in houses rent free – the state pays for their rent, and provides block paved driveways for them to park their 4x4’s, boats and quad bikes on. They are paid a salary, called “Social Security” to stay at home, and many are given a free car every three years due to being fat, alcoholic or drug dependant. Walking is known to be an excellent treatment for obesity and to prevent diabetes, deseases many of these people claim to have, although some simply have “heavy bone syndrome.” We coul dsave a lot of money and get them fitter if we took away their free cars. They lead such hectic lives watching jeremy Kyle on the widescreen TV’s all day, smoking and drinking Carling Black Label and Stella Wifebeater that they have to go on expensive foreign holidays at the expense of the taxpayers. They are recognisable by their branded clothing, tattooes, vulgar languauge, CRO number and the number of their children which often exceeds their IQ. They drive 4x4’s because someone else pays for the diesel, usually the local haulier or bus depot where they syphon it from, and because they need a big vehicle, not only to transport their oversize family but because they themselves are oversized. Besides a 4x4 is useful for moving stolen items and making a getaway across the fields when the police arrive.

The working class, that’s me, and probably you, have what are called “jobs,” and some of them run “businesses” or in some cases are “self employed.” It doesn’t matter what they do exactly, but they do earn money, which the government then takes away from them to pay for the priviledged classes upkeep. Having earned money and paid tax on what they have earned, the working class then pay more tax on everything they buy in the form of VAT, unless they buy petrol or diesel, in which case they pay fuel taxes and then VAT on the fuel taxes. If they have any money left they are allowed to buy food, and if they still have money and save it in a bank, even though they have already paid tax when they earned it they then pay extra tax on any interest it earns. This is their fault for not spending it. Working Class people can be recognised in a crowd – their clothes are well worn with a secondhand appearance and do not have designer labels, unless GEORGE at ASDA is now a fashion label. They do not have a tan, fake or otherwise, having neither the money to go abroad or the time to waste sitting around in little booths reading magazines. Their cars are usually five or six years old or older, bought secondhand, and are sensible family models, not gas guzzling 4x4’s, as their hardworking bodies have remained supple enough to bend and stoop into a small space rather than having to climb into a big upright box. They are slim and tired looking from hard work, rather than thin and tired looking from drugs use, and not fat roly poly coach potatoes, because they can’t afford takeaways every night. If they have children at all they will have 2.4 of them, instead of a brood all aged exactly nine months apart by several different partners, possibly of different racial origins. They do not have this years mobile phone, and their TV probably requires a two man lift because it’s a CRT built in the ‘80s, the weight, rather than the size of a bus. Working class people do not smoke, even if they would like to, because smoking in the workplace is banned and because they can’t afford it. They also rarely drink because they have to be up for work next day. And because they can’t afford to. This is why they pay so much income tax – because they are not paying their fair share of tax on drink, cigarettes and expensive electrical items. Working class people can often be found on Sunday mornings desperately searching car boot sales for, for example, second hand prams being sold off by the priviledged class, who despite being heavily pregnant will be selling off last years pram in the safe and secure knowledge that “the social” will buy them another brand new one this year. The priviledged class are of course allowed to work as a Market Trader and have a succesful Ebay account without declaring any income or paying taxes, because they are “unemployed,” and a Saturday job doesn’t count.

Now the cynical amongst you may be thinking I’m having a go at the unemployed. Far from it. I have every sympathy for someone who has worked, paid taxes and then, through no fault of their own can’t find work again. My experience is they are few and far between. I remember I was unemplyed once. It was the longest weekend of my life, finishing on the Friday evening and starting again on Monday luchtime. But there are those, “the priviledged class” as I have tagged them, who see unemployment as a lifestyle choice, have never worked, have no wish to work and simply couldn’t fit a job into their life because they are so used to doing nothing of value all day.

I don’t have any answer to the problem, but here’s a novel suggestion. Tax unemployment.

But until they do, maybe if I can’t beat them I should join them? So in a few years time when I retire at 52, but can’t claim state pension until I’m 66 maybe I’ll become a “Job Seeker” eat myslef silly and develop obesity and diabetes, and get a bit of depression, because then I’ll be gauranteed a reasonable income, a free car and a holiday in the sun.