It's Grim in Grimsby

Okay, it's dull in Hull, buy by God it's grim in Grimsby.
I had to go there yesterday to collect an item I bought on a well known on line auction site which almost rhymes with me-pay.
My first problem came with my SatNav. Well actually it's my wifes SatNav, but she never really got on with it, so it now resides in my glovebox. There's lots of room for it because i don't keep gloves in there. Finding Grimsby was of course no problem for me. A63, A15 over the Humber Bridge, A180 - fall into Grimsby. Not a problem and a journey I have done many times. The street that was my destination however was unfamiliar to me, so I duly typed in Grimsby and was given the choice of little Grimsby or Great Grimsby. Little Grimsby is a tiny village with no streets so far as I could tell, so it had to be Great Grimsby. That's bigging it up. Alright Grimsby, or Passable Grimsby. But hardly Great.
Next I typed in the street name and the SatNav turned itself off. I tried again, suspecting the battery might be weak or the charger lead not plugged in properly. Same happened. As soon as I entered the street name the SatNav switched itself off. I couldn't even get it to accept a nearby street, or indeed any street in Grimsby. It would direct me elsewhere. Hull, Sheffield, Doncaster - no worries. But Grimsby? No it clearly didn't want to go. I tried Cleethorpes, but it didn't want to go there either, presumably because it would have to go through Grimsby to get there. There is a huge black hole  in the SatNav memory, like Grimsby doesn't exist. Perhaps it had a bad experience there once?
I resorted to the usual man tactic of driving there and attempting to find the place myself. After all I had worked in Grimsby for a while 22 years ago, and it wasn't that big. (Or Great) After 30 minutes of going around in circles I admitted defeat and knew I needed to ask directions. Normally in these circumstances I will look for someone middle aged walking a dog, on the basis that a dog walker will be local and know his or her way around. It's not without it's flaws, I admit, but generally I win. Just be wary, if you find yourself in this predicament that you do not pick an elderly dog walker. Firstly you will get his life story, followed by directions that include expressions like "turn left where the New Roller Disco used to be" and that's if he can remember at all.
On this occasion however there were no dog walkers about, and this was because due to the depression and mass unemployment they had eaten all the dogs. I thought Hull was suffering in the recession, but Grimsby is just endless rows of boarded up shops. The only thriving businesses appeared to be a boarding up company, betting shops, off licences and funeral directors - presumably they have a high suicide rate. There was the usual brightly lit ASDA, B & Q, Maplins, HALFORDS etc on a shopping estate and even a COMET having a closing down sale, but other than that it was depressingly grey. The only people on the streets either lived there and were drunk, with many carrier bags (Why is that?) or were teenage hoodies who would have stolen my SatNav if I had stopped to ask them directions. Not that it would have been any use to them, with it's Grimsbyphobia. I did find a McDonalds but daren't go in there to ask for directions, because they would have undoubtedly given me fries with them. And in all likelihood they wouldn't have known there own way home in any case.
Fortunately I knew where the main police station was, and found it in semi darkness, presumably saving electricity. Either that or they wished to merge in with the rest of the greyness around them. Swallowing my manly pride I asked directions off a policeman. I was almost there as it turned out, and a minute or so later I had my package.
Strangely, as soon as I got back in the car the SatNav sprang to life with a map showing exactly where I was, and how to get out, quickly. This is intelligent SatNav, it refuses boldly, to no go where man has gone before.