Flooding? No, we're sinking.

We are told by guardian readers that global warming is causing sea levels to rise as the polar ice caps melt. This is of course nonsense. Ice, as we all know from basic science, takes up more room than water. This is why car radiators break in winter when the water inside freezes and you forgot to put antifreeze in them. So when the polar ice caps melt, logically sea levels will fall. Or possibly stay exactly as they are, because a little of the ice (the tip, as it where, of the iceberg) is above water level.
The sandal wearers also tell us that as the polar ice caps melt weather patterns will change and we will get more rain. Again, there is a flaw in their logic. There is only a finite amount of water, which must then evaporate to become rain again. So we must also get more sunshine to balance things out. But that is also nonsense.
I of course have my own theory. We are not seeing rising sea levels, or increased rainfall. In fact rainfall so far this month is below average at 43mm, we could normally expect up to 120mm by now. No the problem is Britain is sinking under the weight of the population. That is why southern England is suffering the worse of the floods.
There is a logical argument to this. We hardly ever hear of flooding in New Zealand, for example. New Zealand has a landmass of 103, 483 square miles and a population of 4.4 million people. That's an average of 42.5 people to every square mile. The country is bouyant and is able to bear the weight of it's people.
Yorkshire, as a county is roughly 6,000 square miles with roughly 5 million residents. That's 833 people to every square mile. A lot more people but the equilibrium holds.
Now compare this with the Greater London Area - 8 million people living in just 609 square miles, or a staggering 13,136 people to every square mile. Their combined weight is surely causing the southern end of the county to tilt and sink into the ocean, with a greater propensity to flooding as a result.
The only solution is to encourage people to migrate north in the hopes of balancing things out. The government know this, but don't want to alarm the public, so they are going about it stealthily. This is why north of the border you get free prescriptions and free places at university. The downside is, it rains all the time, but at least it doesn't flood.