Cutting the Grass, GM Foods, Scotish Students and inventors

Four subjects you may think don't have a lot in common. Allow me to explain.
It is that time of year when every time I have a day off I have to cut the lawn. I have many inventive excuses for not doing so, but eventually I have to give in our Pygmy tribes start to establish themselves. It was whilst mowing that not unconsiderable expanse of grass this afternoon that my mind began to wander. I shouldn't have let it go, it's too weak to be out on it's own, but there you go.
It seems to me that in these days of modern science we should be able to develop grass which doesn't need cutting. I mean there is that old joke about the Scotsman who watered his lawn with Whisky so it came up ha;f cut. But is the idea so far from reality? I wouldn't want to waste good Whisky of course, but it seems to me that if we can grow dwarf conifers then surely we can fiddle with the DNA of grass to make it grow to the optimum height and then stop? I don;t object to having to mow the grass say once a year as a sort of ritual to welcome in the spring. But that should be it. I want to enjoy my garden, not work in it all day every time I have a day off.
Then the idea occurred to me. The Scottish should have the funding to find an answer. Why the Scots? Well, I don;t want to offend them, I think they are a wonderful nation with lots going for them - they invented Whiskey, Television, Trains, Telephones, bridges ...... the list goes on and on. Whilst we English invent things which on the face of it have great technological advances like Jet engines and the Hovercraft only for them to be ought evolve by turbo skipping saucer planes and a hole in the ground (otherwise known as the Channel Tunnel - which is Half French for Gods sake)
But if we accept that our students are our future engineers inventors and thinkers, then we have to look to Scotland and their people/ Scotland, the region around Glasgow in particular is famed for it's low class attendances, high rate of alcoholism and unhealthy eating habits. If the students in my town are anything to go by, this is what defines a student - failing to turn up for lectures, eating junk food and falling over drunk in the middle of the road. With a traffic cone on their heads. Quite obviously a University education is not needed, simple a pack of Tenants Extra, a Kebab and an empty room other than a classroom. Possibly a pencil or two.
And better still, being Glaswegians, they will evolve a grass which is not dissimilar to themselves, tough, hardy and ideally aggressive. Yes I want GM grass which will give daisies a knuckle sandwich and headbutt dandelions. Then and only then will I get the lawn I deserve, instead of the ragged patch filled with weeds, which always looks unkempt and which my neighbours put to shame with their perfectly manicured striped 1/4 acre of perfection.